A Spirituality Practice
A few years ago, I dived deeply into spirituality teachings.
I lived and breathed Eckhart Tolle’s philosophy for months. Maybe years?
I would go out and sit on park benches for minutes, and sometimes for almost an hour at a time.
I was trying to feel the present moment.
Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t.
But I practiced meditation daily.
I practiced it in the morning, after waking up.
And I practiced in the evening, before going to sleep.
I spent time alone, in nature, going to a forest nearby.
I saw and appreciated the beauty of nature, everyday.
But I don’t do it anymore. This exploration has run its course now.
But something stayed with me from that period of chasing present-moment awareness.
A Remembrance Of Sorts
I stopped being a person for a while.
I know it sounds strange. And no, I haven’t gone off the rails.
I was just being.
I was no-one for more time than I was some one.
Words can’t explain this experience.
That’s because we use words to define, to confine, to conceptualize, to describe.
And I never did any kind of drugs.
Ever.
But meditation did give me access to altered states of consciousness.
Together with Breathwork.
Breathwork is a power and intense practice that can bring out suppressed memories and emotional turmoil.
Unsupervised, it can become dangerous in the long run, as I had found own on my out.
Feeling like no-one is a strange sensation
You exist, and yet you do not define yourself through language.
You simply exist.
You perceive, you see and simply observe.
But you don’t conceptualize.
You simply are … being.
And there is this inner peace within and if feels you’ve always been connected to it.
It never goes away.
But when I would return to the city after 4 hours spent in nature, everything was weird.
So weird.
People were running around.
It made no sense to me, I couldn’t figure out why everyone was running around.
Why weren’t they at peace?
It was so strange to be at peace amongst all the turmoil.
Like I didn’t belong.
Feeling at peace and in the present moment felt so wrong in the heart of the city.
A Forgotten Skill
Being absolutely present in the moment feels like a forgotten skill to me right now.
But I know it’s not forgotten.
It’s just covered up by the incessant thoughts I now think.
Modern society has a way of taking over.
It’s built on thought, movement, on speed, on rushing, on being noisy and nosy.
We live in a noisy society.
And we define ourselves by the actions we take.
We’re constantly moving towards something, stressing about something, worrying about something in the future.
The default consciousness state in modern society is one busy-ness.
Being active at the cost of everything else.
The state of no-one-ness is very hard to access from within society.
It was easier for me to step out of the city in order to experience present-moment awareness with ease.
In society, we’re always chasing something.
This goal oriented-state prevents you from being at peace.
And when we stop, when we actually stop for a second, it feels so bad.
It feels wrong because society has taught us that being busy is the norm.
And if we’re not busy, we’re wasting time.
Busy, busy, busy.
Beyond Time, Beyond Goals
I remember how it is to be no-one.
It’s a state like no other.
You simply exist.
There is no time.
Just present.
You’re here.
Nothing exists except your field of perception.
It’s strange, being no-one.
It’s not a goal. It’s a state, You can’t reach it by making it a goal, trying to reach it.
You can only reach it by becoming it. By embodying it, becoming who you truly are.
Who you are is beyond concepts, beyond time.
Who you are is inextricably linked to the present moment.
Yes, I’ve read too much Eckhart Toole.
But it paid off. I was drawn to it. Something called me to his book.
The only power we have is in the Now, in the Eternal Present Moment, in the eternal Now.
It’s ok to be afraid of it. Because nothing seems to exist outside the now.
The goals we’ve set for ourselves disappear, the mind disappears, concepts disappear.
All that’s left is Consciousness.
