Restrictive Identities
For years, I defined myself as a programmer. It was how I introduced myself, how others recognized me, and how I measured my worth. But over time, I came to resent it. The title felt less like a badge of honor and more like a cage.
At some point, I realized that the problem wasn’t the work itself. I still enjoyed the challenge of software development, the creativity in solving problems, and the satisfaction of building something meaningful. The problem was how I had made “programmer” my entire identity.
Identities, while comforting, can be restrictive. They confine us within boxes—boxes we often build ourselves. But is it really the identity that traps us? Or is it our minds, clinging to these labels as if they define our worth?
The moment I stopped seeing myself solely as a programmer, everything shifted. I started viewing programming as a tool rather than a definition of who I am. In the eyes of others, I may still be a programmer, and that’s fine. But internally, I no longer see myself in such a limited way.
Opening To New Ideas
This change didn’t happen overnight. It began when I encountered an idea that stuck with me. I think it was in Austin Kleon’s Keep Going where I first saw it clearly. Kleon makes a distinction between being an artist—an identity—and doing the work of art: painting, sculpting, writing, or creating in any form. You don’t have to define yourself as an artist to make art. You simply do the work.
This resonated deeply. For so long, I had tied my self-worth to being a “programmer” rather than simply programming. I had made the act into an identity, and when that identity no longer served me, I began to hate it. But when I let go of that label, I found freedom. Programming became something I did, not who I was. I stopped fighting the work itself and started enjoying it again.
How do you get to know yourself beyond a restrictive identity? Exploration. You explore things that interest you, especially those outside the boundaries of your self-imposed label. That’s when you discover more about who you really are.
Stepping Outside The Box
For me, this exploration meant trying new hobbies, reading books outside of my usual interests, and even diving into spirituality. Yes, that phase of spiritual exploration might sound cliché, but it was part of the process. It taught me to step outside societal roles and follow what truly called to me.
Through exploration, you won’t necessarily “find yourself” in some external sense. Instead, you’ll gain experiences that help you understand who and what you are internally. You’ll realize that identities are just tools—useful at times, but never meant to define the entirety of your being.
So, if you feel boxed in by an identity, I urge you to step outside it. Try something new. Follow your curiosity. You don’t need to reject what you do or where you come from. Just remember, those things don’t define you. They’re parts of the whole, not the whole itself.
Identity is a starting point, not a destination. Don’t let it limit you. Explore beyond it. That’s where you’ll find freedom—and yourself.
My Relationship With Programming
My relationship with programming has been complicated, to say the least.
I began my journey as a C++ programmer, immersing myself in the craft. However, in 2010, I decided to take a break. The pain in my hands had become overwhelming and showed no signs of easing.
For many years, programming was a passion—something I genuinely loved. But everything changed when I entered the corporate world. The joy I once felt for coding began to fade. I wasn’t programming out of love anymore; it became about money. The excitement of learning and creating waned, and over time, I lost the spark. What once felt vibrant and full of possibility turned dry.
For a long time, I believed the issue was programming itself. I rejected the idea of being a programmer and distanced myself from it. But deep down, I knew that programming was the skill I truly understood, the one that had brought me consistent financial rewards. Nothing else seemed to compare in terms of income.
As time passed and the money I had saved began to dwindle, I found myself returning to what I knew best. And now, here I am—working as a web developer.
Go figure.
